Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
