I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
