my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
