would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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