Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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