yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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