He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
