false alarm. still invincible.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
