Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
