I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
