brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
