The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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