oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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