Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
