we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
