I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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