It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
