how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
