it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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