Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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