I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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