i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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