That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
