so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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