1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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