i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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