If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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