Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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