obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize