I heard we made out
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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