maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I forget how to act sober
Randomize