I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
