yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
