living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
