It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
