I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
