i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
