I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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