: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
