Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
