I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize