I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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