people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
