NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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