I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
