All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
