I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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