we have pet lesbian snakes
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
