wanna go halves on a baby?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
