Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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