so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
