Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
