I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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