Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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