Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
