dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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