I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
