atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
