Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
