i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so let's talk penis.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
