Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As shirtless as possible
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Boobs are out for the taking
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
