just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
