I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
