you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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