I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
