Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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