I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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