god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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