i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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