im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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