are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
